Monday, 27 August 2012

A tranny beginners guide to make-up in 10 steps


As important as clothes, demeanour, behaviour, hair pieces and shaving or waxing are for me the great moment of transformation is reached when you paint your face with make up. When i have got my face on i feel completed as a girl and ready to face the world, literally, as a proud, confident woman.


But i know from personal experience that for many TV girls starting out make up is a little daunting to say the least. It feels like one of those things you should know what to do but in reality it is a lot more complicated than it seems and very easy to get wrong. And when it goes wrong it looks dreadful and worst of all can really make you look like a clown and a man - yuk!

In fact, just to show that even with a little experience a gurl can get it wrong, only the other day i realised i was using the wrong colour foundation and it was far too dark and orangey for my skin tone. The discovery was a result of me waxing my chest and being able to wear lower cut dresses.

Admittedly, make-up is something i will never stop learning and there are many tricks of the trade i am still finding out so anybody who has discovered any clever things to do please leave a comment below.

But here is a 10-step beginners guide to make-up along with sonme of the top tips i have picked up from the my mentor and Mistress Scarlett Thorne and tranny friends such as @MaidFelicity and @MsEmilyAnarchy:

1. Make sure you have shaved your face properly.
This may sound incredibly obvious but you would be surprised how many gurls simply forget, especially later in the day when the afternoon shadow has appeared. Always worth running a razer over your face before you start.

Top tip: Foundation usually hides stubborn stubble but if it is really dark then put concealer on the spots after you have applied foundation.

2. Clean and moisturise your face
As part of the preparation it is worth washing your face, getting rid of dirt and sweat and also applying moisturiser because make-up can dry out your face.

Top tip: Try E45 moisturiser because it has no scent.

3. Cover your face in foundation
Foundation is exactly what it says, it is the platform on which your transformation is built and the rest of the make-up is put on. When you apply it make sure it is spread evenly across your face, chin and upper neck and blended in carefully leaving no uncovered spots. Do this in clear light and in front of a mirror.
To apply is squeeze it on to the back of your hand then put blobs on your chin, two cheeks, forehead and nose and then spread it.

Top tip: Be careful when you choose foundation. Make sure it is slightly paler than the colour and tone of your skin.

Another top tip: Use a magnifying mirror to double check the results. Keep one handy in your make-up bag.

4. Powder your face
You need to do this to thoroughly across all the foundation, preferably with a pale powder and just enough to hold the foundation in place. It is worth repowdering your face afterwards when you go out at night.

Top tip: You can use a special pad but it is best to do this stage with a powder brush.

5. Apply blusher
This is the point where you start putting colour on your face. Blushers come in all sorts of colours but i prefer tanned or pinky looks. Use a pad to apply blusher and put it in small amount starting on your cheeks and applying it in circular motions.

Top tip: Beware not to put on too much, especially during the day. It can make you look like a clown. If you are going out for the night or whoring then put on  a lot more but make sure it blends in properly.

6. Apply eye shadow
Choose a colour which matches what you are wearing. Close your eyes one at a time and make sure your eye lid is not wrinkled. Then apply it carefully and evenly.

Top tip: Like blusher do not over do it during the day to avoid the clown look. A lot of make up works when you are going out or on the pull.

7. Next the eye liner
Make sure the eye liner pencil is sharp. Start on the inside corner of your eye and follow the line of the edge of your lower eye lid which you should be holding down for a clear view.

Top tip: You can get many colours but generally use black liner.

Another top tip: After you have finished with eye liner and eye shadow then it is better to smudge them carefully at the outside corners of your eyes.

8. Put on mascara
It took me time to start using mascara but i wish i had used it earlier. This is the special make-up to make your eye lashes stand out and look more feminine. Again with a steady hand lightly brush your eye lashes. Beware of blobs dropping on to your face or lower eyelid.

Top tip: Don't bother with mascara primer. It is a waste of money and actually weighs down your lids.

9. And finally the lipstick
The main issue with lipstick is to avoid using too much and letting it smudge across your face. Find a colour and tone which fits what you are wearing and the rest of your make-up. Carefully put it on your lips and rub them lightly together. Follow the line of your lips and you can go slightly over but make sure you keep the shape of your mouth. Allow it to dry before drinking.

Top tip: Use lipstick liner of the same colour first to draw the shape and then fill in with the lipstick.

Another top tip: Use a straw when drinking to avoid smudges.

10. Finishing off
Check your face carefully in the mirror and use cotton buds to remove blemishes or smudges.

Top tip: Good make up is generally expensive, but a good place to start with reasonably priced make-up is Collection 2000 in Boots, particularly for foundation.

Another top tip: Carry a small make-up mirror, powder, blusher and make-up in your handbag to replenish your make-up when you go out.



The good news is that make-up lessons (from beginners to advanced) are among the exciting services Scarlett Thorne and i are offering in our special makeover sessions available to would be and already practising gurls from £120 an hour . Just call or text Mistress Scarlett Thorne on 07910476639 or me on 07532425141.

If you have any questions about being a tranny gurl or a sub then contact me at trannyagony@live.co.uk or on Twitter on @DaniTallulah.

Monday, 16 July 2012

The tranny guide to drinking

One of the most important lessons Mistress Scarlett Thorne has drummed into me - usually with the flat of Her hand, sometimes a cane or generally whatever implement is lying around - is that the process of feminisation is as much about how you act and behave as what you wear. And this is particularly true when it comes to the old adage "you are what you eat" or for the purposes of this blog "you are what you drink".

Scarlett Thorne has very strong opinions about what Her tranny gurls should drink not only when they are out with Her and on show as such, but also in their private lives. While those of us who live double lives, for example, cannot go around in girly clothes and make-up all the time we can change other aspects of our behaviour patterns to help maintain our feminine identity. Focussing on what you drink and how you drink is an easy way to remain feminine in your vanilla world. 

Of course, a bit like chastity, there is also an important element of Mistress extending Her control into every aspect of my life which is an important part of a sub identity quite aside from the feminisation process. But Scarlett Thorne's approach is usually also an educational one so She tends to give these instructions to help improve Her slaves, and in the case of trannies make them more feminine and crucially think more like a girl.

Changing your behaviour patterns also changes the way you think and after a period of learning it becomes automatic which means your behaviour patterns are fixed.

Before i get on to what a gurl should or shouldn't drink it's also perhaps worth dealing with some of that nasty masculine behaviour that you often see women also trying to use which for an inspiring gurl is simply unacceptable!

Remember the art of drinking in a bar for a gurl is to look attractive so to begin with here are 10 DOs and DON'Ts:

DO  - Act demurely at the bar, get attention by fluttering your eyelids
DON'T - Lean forward at the bar waving cash


DO - Get a man to buy the drinks whenever possible
DON'T - Go and buy drinks for a man


DO - Use nothing bigger than a half pint size glass, preferably a wine or cocktail glass
DON'T - Use pint glasses or tankards or bottle


DO - Sip your drink sweetly or even better use a straw to avoid smudging your lipstick
DON'T - Gulp it down in one or quickly


DO - Allow small favours for the purchase of a drink ie a dance
DON'T - Take any notice of a guy who refuses to buy you a drink


DO - Hold your drink like a girl with your little finger sticking out
DON'T - Grasp your drink like your are creating a fist


DO - Sit up straight with your chest out when drinking
DON'T - Slouch with hunched shoulders


DO - Keep lipstick and cotton buds handy to sort out smudges from drinking
DON'T - Forget these items if you want to remain pretty


DO - Gossip, flirt, have girly chat while having a drink
DON'T - Make loud jokes or discuss football or any other sport


DO - Say: "OH! I like this it's pink and sparkly"
DON'T - Say: "Well this is an excellent wine because it comes from the...." (yawn! male bore)


So now we know how gurls should drink it's time to look at what beverages (including the word beverage) they should avoid. Here are my top 5 inappropriate drinks:

1. Beer - The ultimate man's drink, completely unfeminine and unacceptable except of the light variety such as Corona which comes with fruit. Particualrly AVOID real ales!


2. Whisky - Even worse than beer. Whisky is the male bore's favourite tipple. Those who drink it will numb your mind for hours on different types and peats (YAWN!). Not for a gurl!


3. Red wine - Is very masculine and usually the type of drink chosen by men who think they know something about alcohol.


4. Cider - Is like beer for men who want to get drunk even more quickly. Just generally avoid things that need to be drunk from big glasses or bottles.


5. Rum - This is ok if it is part of a cocktail but in no other circumstances. It is also a vile drink.


But just in case you think i'm ruining all your fun, these five drinks are definitely appropriate for any girl heading for good night out:

1. Vodka and mixer - This is the staple night out drink of any self respecting girl. Preferably vodka and lemonade but coke or maybe red bull will do. It is essentially a soft drink with an alcoholic kick. Light and sparkly and perfect to get you in the mood for dancing or more interesting fun. REMEMBER always have diet or zero sugar lemonade or coke to keep your figure trim.


2. White wine - People who think they know about wine sneer at white wine, which is why it is ideal. Often at tedious functions you only have a choice of red or white wine. You should know nothing about wine but white wine is easy to drink and gives a proper girly image. Rose is ok but ideally when it is sparkly. Pink champagne is a treat.


3. Cocktails - Preferably bought for you by a guy. Ideally it should be creamy or bought for its colour. Never buy it for a funny name let the guy get worked up about blowjobs and sex on the beach...if he buys you enough cocktails he might just get one of those!


4. Gin and tonic - If you really have to look sophisticated then G&T is acceptable.


5. Cum - Well a gurl should always hope to pull and you don't know how the night will end up. But, as a whore, my advice is only swallow if he pays extra.


Those who know me well will be asking: "What about Scarlettpisstini?" Of course, Scarlett Thorne's drink in watersports is the nectar of the Goddess as i'm sure slaves feel is true of their Mistress's champagne too. It's just i'm not sure a Mistress would be too impressed if you asked Her for it if you were lucky enough to be with Her in a bar although i guess if She wanted a companion to the toilet You might get lucky...

By the way anybody with suggestions on appropriate or inappropriate drinks please put them in the comments section below.

Anybody wanting advice on being a tranny or a sub email me on trannyagony@live.co.uk or tweet me on @DaniTallulah.

Friday, 8 June 2012

How to get to live with a Dominatrix (for a few days anyway)

It is the ultimate fantasy. From the wake up call of a sharp kick in the ribs and the shout "make me coffee slave!", through the joy of every cherished moment of serving Mistress, the hours of kink, chores, more kink and, of course, punishment, to the moment you pass out from exhaustion in the early hours of the morning, the prospect of being able to live even briefly the life of a 24/7 slave is the dream of all those who have ever wanted to belong to a Domme.

For a day or few days even the stresses and strains of your vanilla life are forgotten and all you need to worry about are the needs and whims of Mistress and what She might do to you or demand of you next. Not just the ultimate fantasy but complete escapism.

It's certainly something i dreamed and fantasised of pretty much from the age of 11 and never thought would happen and then suddenly through the grace of the Goddess, or rather Scarlett Thorne, it actually did.

But what we are talking about here is one of the greatest privileges any slave - tranny or otherwise - can experience in being allowed to stay overnight or for several days with the Mistress they serve. When a Domme allows a sub to do this She is allowing them into a bit of Her private world and putting the slave's service to Her on a new level altogether.

But the chances of it happening seem so distant for many it is something i have been asked by quite a few people how it is possible to achieve.

There are two paths to being allowed to stay with a Mistress - the easiest way with a pro-Domme is through hard cash or very special gifts (see section 2) and the hardest by far is through servitude and total devotion, which worked for me.

There is the third route of an actual romantic relationship but that is the subject of another blog post.

Instead i will first outline the way i ended up being a regular overnight guest of Mistress Scarlett Thorne at the Tranny Flat.

Route 1: Servitude and devotion
This section is the lifestyle slave route to staying with a Domme. For those who want to find out how to get a lifestyle arrangement click here but also read on.

First, it should be noted that to be allowed to live with the Mistress for a few days or more or even a night She needs to know you very well and feel comfortable and safe with you as well as actually enjoy your company. In other words this is not just about sessions as i will touch on in a later point. It also means you have had to have built up a relationship with Her over a very long period of time.

i know most Mistresses won't even consider an overnight session for someone until they have served Her in ordinary sessions several times. To be allowed to stay longer requires a relationship of a few years. In my case that was much less BUT i spend most working days maiding or serving for Scarlett Thorne on average more than five hours a day in some way or other, so we have built up O/our relationship faster than if i was only sessioning or serving a few hours a week. i have in effect had the equivalent of maybe 20 years worth of many slaves' contact with their Mistress.

At this point i should emphasize that i have also become best friends with Scarlett Thorne, although it is a strange sort of unequal friendship between a Mistress and slave but still a very good and meaningful one. O/our personalities are also well matched - She is very good at giving orders and i love trying to follow them, but W/we also have similar interests beyond just bdsm.

i remember the first time She allowed me to stay overnight was partly because She said She quite liked my company which is why i got it at a discounted price. But it is important too for Her that She knows She can trust me implicitly, that i won't invade Her private life and will not take advantage of Her generosity. That first stay was very much a test of that.

It also helps a lot that for Mistress (and me) i am a girl not a man. As such W/we have the friendship of two females - not a lesbian one i hasten to add - but my transformation has made it much easier for me to enjoy this sort of privilege. It is far harder for a male slave to have the same honour.

As i said She also knows that i will work as Her maid or whatever She requires from before She gets up to after She has gone to bed. There was one time i stayed with Her that i forgot to eat for two days because i was working so hard on tasks for Her. Slightly worryingly Mistress did't notice either but W/we were having the most fabulous time. A maid cannot live by by vodka and coffee alone but she can live by the words of Her Mistress.

The word "slaving" does not get anywhere near the level of work Scarlett Thorne expects of me but hard work - and it is the almost daily hard work - in addition to working a normal full time job (my silly part time job as Mistress puts it) which as i have mentioned in previous blogs allows me these opportunities. As i've said before i have a key to the Tranny Flat not so i can go and enjoy myself but because i am expected to undertake the same level of hard work whether Mistress is staying at the Tranny Flat or is away. Woe betide me if She comes back to an even slightly dirty or messy dungeon and flat.

So to get to a point where i am a welcome guest i have had to completely devote myself to serving Scarlett Thorne, something i happen to love doing and be proud of but not an easy thing to do especially when you have a full other life. But generally this is typical of slave relationships with serious Dommes, although most of them do not have complicated other vanilla lives.

These days as well i also pay rent towards the TrannyFlat through my whoring, which is another reason for me to be allowed to stay and see clients, but that is a pretty unusual situation and one i would not necessarily recommend to others unless you really want to do it, even though i adore my escort work. But this does bring us on neatly to the next and most common way of getting to stay with Mistress.

Route 2: Cash and gifts
As i have said in other blogs, but it bears repeating, Mistresses do not do what they do for charitable reasons. It is how they make their living and pay for their lifestyle. They may enjoy it but it has to pay so you have to pay. And this sort of privilege will cost you one way or another.

Just to put this in context, an overnight stay with me as a whore will cost at least £800 but probably nearer £1,200 if it is at the TrannyFlat. For a skilled Dominatrix, unless She is being very generous and likes you a lot, an overnight stay will be anything between £1,000 and £2,000. So if you are planning on staying a few days you will need to expect to dig deep into your wallet.

OK admittedly i was lucky enough to not have to pay much to stay with Scarlett Thorne but it still costs. In the early days i used to offer to pay for hotels if W/we went away and i still buy expensive drinks and meals and take Her to expensive clubs. i also buy in most of the TrannyFlat supplies when i am working there and i try to regularly bring Her a gift of perfume or something special.

i know one slave was allowed to stay three days after he bought Her a car. At least one other brought Her jewellery worth around £2,000. Other slaves have simply paid for expensive holidays at top resorts and hotels and then allowed Her to have and buy what She wanted.

But it does not stop there. i know of a slave who was sent out shoe shopping with one of Mistress's gurls. Others have been luckier and gone shopping with Mistress. If this happens expect Her to "rape your wallet" and you to have the privilege of carrying the bags. i know Scarlett Thorne loves slaves to take Her to the theatre too.

Now of course Mistresses - Scarlett Thorne in particular - are not mercenary and are aware of slaves financial constraints, so if you don't have the money They may accept other means of payment but only if the Domme really likes you and is feeling generous. A website redesign, plumbing, major building works or another specialised gift may do the trick. Otherwise the option for those who are not well off enough is to hope for a lifestyle arrangement.

Whichever way it happens though there are still other issues then to be dealt with to make sure your stay does not end in disaster.

Warning 1: Do not expect it to be just about sessions
Even when you pay you are paying for the privilege of being allowed to stay with Mistress. If you have paid this will include a session or sessions but it is very unlikely it will be one long session. If you have paid for your overnight or days then you should expect your Mistress' undivided attention but She will still need to sleep, eat and take breaks.

It is best to remember that if you are allowed to stay it is your chance to live as a lifestyle slave which means you have to serve Her. This means working hard. This means lots of cleaning, washing up, maybe ironing, tidying, maybe secretarial work, essentially the tedious and laborious jobs Mistress should not have to bother with Herself.

As Scarlett Thorne often says to me when i'm just maiding not even staying overnight: "Work harder you little bitch or get out!"

Even so, it will still be a great time and, from my experience, it will involve regular beatings, butt plugs, electrics and all sorts as Mistress motivates you to be a better slave for Her. If you are sessioning you may also get to be Her toilet for the time there and will certainly experience things and get a taste of a life that you only ever dreamed of.

In truth while i loved sessioning with Scarlett Thorne, nothing at all matches the thrill of being a lifestyle slave and completely at Her mercy and disposal simply serving Her.

i think one of my happiest couple of hours i spent as a slave was massaging Scarlett Thorne's feet while She watched a movie (about burying somebody alive...). All i was allowed to look at was the feet and concentrate on serving Her and making Her happy. It was bliss.

There are though definite distinctions between the paid and unpaid stays in terms of the kinky side of what Mistress will do to you and intensity. Unpaid is far more labour intensive on the part of the slave whereas paid is generally harder work for Mistress and more session orientated.

i should say my lifestyle arrangement grew from sessioning with Mistress so usually the one does not come without the other.

Warning 2: Behave well
Remember it is a privilege to be there and if you want another chance you need to be constantly respectful, not at all stroppy ever for any reason, totally grateful and, most of all, do what you are told to do without question (so long as it does not exceed your session hard limits).

i know of one slave who regularly paid a different Mistress' mortgage and thought he "owned" Her as a result. That idiot got booted out but still had to pay the mortgage (plus some).

One of the times i got into most trouble with Scarlett Thorne was having a strop about a session or rather not having a session while i was staying with Her. It almost got me the sack and was a terrible mistake. So my advice is remember the big picture, enjoy what you are experiencing and don't worry about the small things even sessions.

Warning 3: Think of a damn good excuse
If like me you are leading a double life you need to explain why you are away for a few days or a week or whatever. For me i wait for my family to go on holiday and pretend i am very busy at vanilla work, even though i am taking a break from it to serve Mistress.

But one suggestion might be a business trip, which i can tell you works but not for more than a couple of days.

The other one is to say you are going on holiday with friends. For this obviously they need to be friends your partner does not know but something he or she would not be surprised about you doing. This way you could actually pay for the holiday but give the money to Mistress instead which will please Her and guarantee you a fabulous stay as Her slave.

The most important thing is if you have the chance to stay with Mistress then enjoy and make the most of it, unless you are rich or lucky it may never happen again.

If you want advice on a tranny or sub life then e-mail me at trannyagony@live.co.uk or contact me on Twitter on @DaniTallulah.

Wednesday, 14 March 2012

Spring is here...clearly a good excuse to go clothes shopping

After some rather heavy duty posts on this blog recently it's time to start having a bit of fun here again and what more fun can a gurl have than shopping for new outfits?

So come on girls, spring is here at long last, you can put away the woolen dresses and jumpers and yes the sweaty pvc and latex numbers (unless you want to sweat some weight off), and start looking for some sexy clothes out there for the spring and summer of 2012.

Some people drool over porn on the internet (men mostly) but i have to say what gets me going is finding new clothes and styles and, bankrupting myself buying new things to wear out. i can spend hours (and i do!) staring at dresses and so forth on the web and wondering if i'd look good in it or if Scarlett Thorne (my fashion guru as well as the Mistress i serve) would approve, fortunately She usually does.

With that in mind and out of the kindness of my own heart i have decided to do a bit of research of what is hot now that spring and summer are upon us.

But before i wade into the array of fashion delights hitting the shops and magazines, i think i need to offer some tips for T-girls. Unlike most 'real' girls, most of us trannies have stuff to hide such as body hair or chest hair or fake boobs or whatever. It means that things like low cut tops and deep V-necks are difficult as is the general lack of coverage in the warmer months.

This means that trannies on the whole need to still look for high neckline tops and use flesh coloured tights to cover their legs. You can also expect to sweat more so you should invest in odourless deoderants (no fragrance) to cover the smell but don't make you stink like a boy which would ruin the feminine effect. Try this one for £4.


i should add that this post is really meant to help tranny girls in finding nice clothes to go out normally and enjoy their femininity in the big wide world rather than just partying. There will be a a future post on fetish wear.
Now with that advice out of the way on to clothes hunting.

According to Elle magazine, floral is definitely in...well to be honest when spring arrives floral usually is but i have to say i love this Whistle's dress they have highlighted, even if the £150 price tag makes me whince a tiny bit.

This Izabel dark floral dress for going out in the evening at BHS for £30 is a much better buy though.

And for those who like the floral look there is little better than this lovely and pleasingly short Geri day dress from Next at a mere £25.



Or check out this Te Amo (Italian for i love you, and i do) dress from New Look, my current favourite shop. The dress is just £29.99.



You can even get some really sexy floral garbs underneath. Like this bra just in at New Look for £24.99.
And there is some great new footwear out in the style. The shoe of the moment is still the wedge and i love this pair which has just landed at Barratts for a slightly costly £45.

Or for those who enjoy country pursuits...those farmers can be frisky get your hands on these wellies also from Barratts for a mere £15.


Moving on, that arbitor of good taste Vogue this year has said that the stle of spring 2012 is marine or Water World. Hard to argue when you see beautiful dresses like this...somebody please buy me one.


But a similar theme seems to have emerged with this pretty dress Alison Spot dress from Monsoon for £75. It's never the cheapest shop, but the quality is really good, although you do have to dry clean items more often than not.


And there seems to be a feeling among many of the fasionistas that this year could be the year of subtler more pastel colours. Certainly Stylemetv is pushing that with shoes as well. Look at this wonderful pair of Tesla  sandal shoes highlighted on the website.
i should warn you these shoes come in a £475 but with the warmer months upon us sandal high heels appear to be the coming thing and there are plenty of much cheaper models around, not least at New Look, Barretts or even on ebay.

On the subject of shoes, noever a bad subject to dwell on, Vogue tells us that Mega Mules are the shoes for spring 2012 and again, apart from price, it's tough to argue. Look at these.


Now this brings me on to the colour of spring 2012, which i think this year could be yellow. Somehow it manages to get the subtle pastel look but also work for those who want a bolder approach. for the latter check out this fabulous dress from Next (by the way stripes are also in this year) for £45.


For sheer elegance though i have completely fallen in love with this Cambridge Dress from Monsoon for £95...i might wait for the sale.



i must admit for make-up i turned, as i always do, to Boots, it doesn't sound glamorous but it's a great place to buy make up from. i really recommend trannies and girls that you get Collection 2000, it's an inexpensive good quality brand and you rarely go wrong with it.

But according to Boots spring 2012 trend cherry red lips are the thing, well again when aren't they? Also go for subtler looks with blusher and eye shadow. A style i like already is the smudged eyeline look. easy to do.

There will be a more detailed post on make-up coming later.

It's hard to know where to start with accessories, because there are so many things out there. but my final hot tip for 2012 girls is to go patriotic (or British if you're from another land) for 2012. It's the Olympics in London and the Queen's diamond Jubilee. There are loads of lovely Union Jack accessories out there, not least from Next which has completely gone into the spirit of the moment.

Worth considering this tasteful pink floral Union Jack bag from Next for £26.



Or also from Next this sequin evening bag for £28.
As i said, for those of you disappointed that i have not done anything on fetish wear, fear not. There will be a separate post on that coming shortly.

Well girls or gurls, enjoy your shopping trips as much as i'll enjoy mine.

If you want help or advice as a tranny or a sub contact me on trannyagony@live.co.uk or on Twitter on @DaniTallulah.

Friday, 9 March 2012

boy, cross dresser, tranny, T-girl, gurl or girl - what the Hell am I?

This week saw the world mark the annual International Women's Day, which is one of the few things the Socialists managed to achieve in the USA.

But while the day is about the struggle for women's equality in the vanilla world - women after all have a higher rank than almost all men in the BDSM world - i want to use its commemoration to look at the question of what is female identity, an issue that is very close to my heart as a tranny.

i celebrated International Women's Day as a woman or a girl. i actually spent a lot of it maiding for Mistress Scarlett Thorne in @TrannyFlat, but leading a double life where i switch from one sharply contrasting identity to the other has led me to question just what it is that differentiates the man or boy in my vanilla life and the woman or girl in my tranny sub life.

i should say now that i consider myself to be a girl/ woman/ female. i am in my heart and my head if not in my genitals, and the male existence is not actually the real me but a facade to keep a lot of other people happy. In other circumstances i think i would have opted for sex change surgery.

However, recently i was attacked on Twitter for the way my female persona is portrayed. The tweet of mine which caused offence was while i was waiting to pick up my family from a holiday after i'd spent three days solid as a girl.

i tweeted: "waiting for #vanilla family trying to think like a man which is hard after three days as a girl..."

At the time i thought it summed up my struggle with a dual identity but apparently it was "insulting" and in the discussion that followed it seemed that i was considered to be an example of a general problem with trannies using "outdated models of women."

Interestingly, i was told i should use the word "gurl" not "girl" to describe myself, in other words not a real female and pigeon holed in a particular term.

The conversation then got into what i can only call tranny snobbery about cross dressers not being real transvestites. While there are some men who are just cross dressers, the accusation is often unfairly used against those of us who can't lead a TV life full time.

On the intial argument though, i guess it's hard to say that i'm not guilty of using what some believe to be sexist stereotypes, although i believe that much of this is about context and everybody who follows me here or on Twitter knows which context i write in and that is as a tranny sub.

But it did get me thinking again about sexual identity. i'm actually bi-sexual in terms of being sexually attracted to people which further confuses things.  Am i being gay when i suck cock or straight as a woman or a lesbian with women or straight as a man?

As i say being a sub is entwined with my life as a girl, although the two are distinct they are hard to separate. This means that i express myself as a maid or sometimes a slut or whore and generally subservient as a woman. But on the other hand i am in thrall to a very powerful female role model in Mistress Scarlett Thorne. Some in the vanilla world may see a Dominatrix as a simple whore and degrading for women, i see them as enpowered and in many cases inspirational, particularly Mistress Thorne.

But those words i use about myself - maid, slut and whore  - are also often taken in a negative context by feminists but they are things i take pride in and actually have worked hard to achieve in a relatively short time and i know many other T-girls feel the same way. They are not things you can become overnight and the business of feminising yourself or being feminised is not as easy as it sometimes sounds.

It is interesting that one of the the latest feminist movements is the slut walk which goes to show that words can have their own power for different groups. It is a bit like black people using the n word about each other. It is totally different if the n word comes from a white person's mouth.

So apart from the sub identities what is it that makes me a woman? Is there more to being a woman or girl than keeping my legs closed when i sit down, as Mistress has taught me to do, or the female clothes i wear? Does wearing make up make me more of a woman? Or is it the way i walk swinging my hips? Or is it even the style of my girl's hair? Is it a greater interest in fashion than football? Is it that i like rugby for the players not the game? Is it taking a less aggressive attitude to life? Is it being able to have girly chats or the subjects which interest us more?

i would say that it is all these things, although some would point out that they could apply cross gender. One thing i'd say is that my love of sport since i started my transition has almost disappeared while my previous non-existant interest in clothes and fashion has become all consuming.

Is there a hunter/ gatherer thing in the old cave men and women analogy? Certainly i have gone from hating shopping as a man to loving it as a woman.

But better people than i have wrestled with what differentiates a man or woman, girl or boy in modern western society where roles are no longer distinct. It gets even more complicated when we delve into the transgender world where even after operations some people will refuse to consider us the sex we really are.

For trannies, especially those of us who can only live as a woman in the shadows on occasions, it is easy to grab on to the stereotypes to express a female identity because it is out there and clear. However, we trannies have to deal with even more prejudice than women from all sides so it is perhaps not surprising we seek safety in what seems to be a clear identity.

Speaking for myself, when i am dressed and sitting talking to Scarlett Thorne i feel a 100 per cent girl, She considers me as such and not a man at all. i know i act differently, my voice is different, i think differently, i take a different attitude to problems and my demeanour is different. i cannot put my finger exactly on what the difference is because it is a collection of small things but as a person who lives as both a man and a woman i know in my heart exactly what it is.

Unfortunately, for once i have not provided a clear answer or advice here, but in the end man, woman, boy, girl, gurl, cross dresser, tranny, sissy or T-girl it is perhaps a question of how you consider yourself and how you wish to express your identity.

In this sense my identity is growing stronger everyday as a girl not a gurl, as one who is proud to be a maid to a Mistress, a slut and sometimes a whore. So for me the answer to the riddle is for each of us to find our own way to a place and identity where we are comfortable and happy.

Anybody who wants help or advice as a tranny or a sub please email at trannyagony@live.co.uk or tweet me at @DaniTallulah.

Friday, 24 February 2012

How to get a lifestyle slave/ maid arrangement with a Mistress

Picture the following scenario:

Phone rings, it is a Would-be slave calling a Mistress he would like to serve (we'll skip the introductory remarks).
Mistress: "What are your interests?"
Would-be slave (usually nervously): "i'd like to be a sissy maid, get dressed up by You and do chores."
Mistress: "Oh yes, I like to do that sort of thing, when can you come?"
Would-be slave (breaths sigh of relief): "Er...is...is... Thursday at s...s...seven OK, Mistress?"
Mistress (pauses, looks in diary): "I can do that time. Now My tribute is £200 an hour."
Would-be slave (gulps) : "Er...well i don't actually have any er...money, i...i... was wondering if i...er... could just s...s...serve You."
The Mistress' response to this ranges from hanging up to a polite "sorry I always demand tribute" to something a good deal less polite. The result is the same the would-be slave remains would-be.

The moral of this tale, which happens quite a lot, is that Dommes are not charities who provide free services to desperate would-be slaves. Domme-ing itself is an expensive activity for a Mistress in terms of buying dungeon equipment and other materials like clothes, make-up, condoms and poppers etc as well as paying the rents on places for dungeons. That is before a Mistress then factors in Her own living costs.

All but a tiny minority of Mistresses do it for a living even if it is their lifestyle choice as well and there are many, many of would-be slaves out there willing to pay good cash to do the most menial tasks for them. Putting it in house-buying language it is a seller's market not a buyers one - the sellers being the Dommes and the buyers being the slaves.

So perhaps not surprisingly, given that it is not easy, i have been asked many times how it is possible to end up in a lifestyle arrangement partly because i am extremely lucky to have one with the fabulous Mistress Scarlett Thorne, where i serve Her almost daily mainly has Her maid, sometimes Her confidente and on occasions helping Her in sessions.

The answer is that in reality it is much, much harder to end up in a lifestyle arrangement than it is to be thrown out of one as a slave.

i know of at least two Mistresses who in the last 12 months have sacked Their lifestyle slaves because They were unhappy about some aspect of the slaves' lives outside service or commitment to Them. In that sense i am also lucky that i serve a Mistress who is very accommodating of my other life and shows a great deal of patience, but the nature of lifestyle arrangements will be the subject of another post.

As i see it there are several routes to becoming a lifestyle slave.

Every so often, but this is extremely rare, a Mistress will advertise for one to do the domestic duties and menial tasks for Her so she can concentrate on important things. i have heard of interviews taking place, but this is more for slaves with a lot of time on their hands and few other personal commitments or specific skills or tasks like gardeners or drivers.

There is also love through the fetish scene. i know of cases of Dommes and subs getting together properly and even marrying, although i also know that some of these relationships that have broken down horribly. There was one case i know of where the police were even called in.

Then there are the odd cases of subs who are virtually part of the BDSM scene full time and are well known enough for Mistresses to ask them to come and serve. This includes my dear friend @maid_felicity, who is extremely popular among Mistresses across the UK but is still waiting to get collared - the term used to confirm a lifestyle relationship which is often accompanied by a collar being put on a slave by a Mistress.

Generally a Mistress is more likely to go for a slave She knows and trusts. One Mistress i know of actually keeps a chart of time served which allows them greater access as long as they have shown they deserve Her trust. She won't go away with slaves or let them too close unless they have served requisite numbers of weeks, months and years. But even this will not lead to a lifestyle type arrangement.

The main route - particularly for those of us who live double lives - involves a great deal of luck and hard work, my story is typical of that.

Basically, you meet a Mistress by seeing Her for paid sessions and then almost by chance, or by Her whim certainly not yours, She decides to let You a bit more into Her life. Over time you earn Her trust more by being willing to do jobs for Her and eventually after months maybe years you end up serving Her more and more in your daily life.

In some ways i got there quite quickly but even in the year and a bit since i first sessioned with Scarlett Thorne i didn't realise that i had effectively moved into a lifestyle arrangement until She pointed it out because the changes happened in small steps and gradually. So i actually feel like i got to the point by accident, although i am delighted i have.

In that sense it is not dissimilar to a friendship - except it is a Mistress/ slave relationship (although it can be a form of friendship too as it is with Scarlett Thorne and me) - in that it grows naturally over time and has results of bringing the two of Y/you closer together through mutual trust.

i was actually very fortunate that i got baptised in Her piss quite early in my service to Scarlett Thorne because She liked me for some reason i haven't fatrhomed and i was given a collar on my first anniversary as Her tranny sub to cement that relationship.

But there is an important ingredient to it that is essential and that is you need to prove to the Mistress that you are willing to work really hard and accept that the reward is the service itself and the chance to be in Her presence a lot. For the slave it is primarily a lifestyle focussed on devotion not pleasure or even fantasy.

In my case i am actually allowed keys to @TrannyFlat, but this is only so i can let myself in to clean the place up when Mistress is away. When i am there Scarlett Thorne always gives me a long list of tasks such as making the bed, doing the washing up, dusting, cleaning the bathroom, hoovering, scrubbing the floors, polishing the mirrors, washing the clothes, hanging washing up or puitting it away, sorting out boxes, making endless cups of coffee, serving drinks...well you get the drift.

i spend a lot of time on my knees not for any 'play' reasons but to get the chores done properly. i also have secretarial duties and act as an alarm clock many mornings for Mistress.

Damn! She works me hard. i'm sometimes literally running around the apartment trying to keep up with Her demands and i've got a long list of things which still need to be done.

Apart from the fact i can dress as a girl (and sometimes give people a blowjob), it is not exactly glamorous. i'm not complaining because i love serving Scarlett Thorne and it means i get to spend hours with Her. i actually even like the chores.

But to underline the message Mistress Thorne on occasions will say: "Work hard or go!"

There are of course rewards. At the moment it means i get far more time with Mistress than most or perhaps all of Her other slaves, even though there are others She has in Her inner circle. She sometimes gives me things like a dress to say 'thank you'.

Then there is always the odd bit of what some might call 'play' but is more of a serious motivational part of the lifestyle when Mistress uses things like a butt plug or electrics on me or just gives me a good beating. i gather the next 'motivational method' will be nipple clamps.

But the hard work sums up the whole point of a lifestyle arrangement. It is not for fun it is to allow Mistress to have time to get on with Her more important tasks or just relax while the menial time consuming tasks are done by a slave.

i will soon post a blog on what is meant by a lifestyle arrangement because i think there are some misconceptions about this and of course it means different things to different Mistresses.

If you are a tranny or a sub seeking advice on any issues that concern you then contact me on trannyagony@live.co.uk or tweet me on @DaniTallulah.

Friday, 10 February 2012

A survival guide for double lives (5) - How to lie and avoid being caught out by your body language

One of my closest tranny friends @PrincessTST suggested this post a while back so i have been doing a little bit of research into it. @PrincessTST, like me, knows only too well that to survive over a sustained period leading a double life you need to be convincing and most of all you need to be able to lie very well eve when put under interigatio by a suspicious partner, which i often am.

In previous posts i have dealt with possible cover stories and how well you need to be prepare them and the sort of detail you need to go to make sure you are safe. But you also need to be ready for surprise challenges, essentially always on your guard.

For example the other day i came in home late after work (yes, genuinely work ot serving Mistress), which happens a lot n my line of business and also provides good cover. But as i was taking off my coat my partner asked: "So who is your Mistress?"

To say my blood froze would be an understatement for the Siberian sensation that gripped my heart for a moment and fortunately my back was turned. She then said: "I keep thinking you are having an affair."

At that point i relaxed. As i am not having a affair i could go into lausible deniability mode and just talk about work, which bores her anyway. The reference to Mistress though, even with its double meaning, had slightly unnerved me because obviously i may not be having an affair but i am having an equally intense but different experience in service to Scarlett Thorne.

That little episode got me thinking again about how to lie in not letting yourself getting caught out and i think the crucial thing here is body language.

So i did some research of various signs that interigators in the police and security organisations look for and found out classic things people do when they lie, which means any of us having a secret other life should avoid doing them like the plague.

1. Don't hesitate emotionally
Delayed emotions are a classic sign somebody is lying apparently. So if you are accused it is best to either laugh straight away, because that's an easy one, or look offended. It will give you a moment to think your next move too.

2. Don't overdo or underdo your emotions
A short reaction is all that is required. Hamming your emotions or going on too long is another give away. React, then look serious. However, make sure that your whole face (eyes, jaw, cheeks and mouth) expresses the emotion, because a partial expression is also a giveaway.

3. Do not be defensive
Acording to police interrigation manuals, a liar will take a defensive attitude, while an honest person will go on the attack.
I can't believe you would accuse me of that, it's not as if you don't work late! - Good
How can you think I'd do that? - Bad

4. Avoid putting objects between you and your accuser
According to experts, putting objects between you and your accuser is a classic sign of lying. it is the mind looking for defence because it knows you are in trouble.

5. Do not let the subject drop
If your accuser changes the subject quickly this can be a trick to see if you look relieved. Maintain your anger for a short while and bring the subject back, thst's a pretty strong sign of innocence.

6. Face your accuser and make eye contact
Do not turn away or hide your face. It's a sure sign of guilt. look the other person in the ye. It takes some nerve but is the best way to defend yourself.

7. Remain natural in your movements
A liar is apparetly concetrating on his or her words so much that he or she becomes rigid and hardly moves. So try to move naturally. i must admit i have a problem with this area because my hands shake, but i can always put this down to my asthma which ofte causes me to shake. This is a particularly tough trick.

8. Control your hands and legs
Keep yourself open, do not cross your legs or arms and do not let your hands wander to your face. The latter is a big problem for me because i do it as a nervous habit whether i'm lying or not. But closed body language is a sign of a liar, so avoid it.

9. Do not parrot words or use long phrases
A liar will ofte repeat what the accuser has said in the answer. So in answer to do you have a Mistress?
No! - good
No I do not have a Mistress - bad

10. Do not change the subject
If you are in the middle of the argument it is bettr to be direct and keep it simple. Going off at a taget or trying to change the subject is a sure sign of guilt.

11. Do not be monotone
If your words have emphasis ad are not a monotone it sounds ore genuine and less like you are concentrating on maintaining a lie.

12. Keep it simple
Stick to your story and do not use elaborate words. Use words you would normally use, overly sophisticated phrases are also a giveaway.

13. Be careful with sarcasm
This is a sig of lying, but can still work in small doses if it is normal for you to use it in conversation or arguments generally.

Of course there are things which hard to hide, like my shaking hands or going extremely pale or your heart suddenly accelerating. In these cases just take deep breaths or run to the toilet and at least make it sound as though you are having a pee. It will give you a chance to rub some colour in your face even if it looks suspicious.

If you need help and advice as a tranny or a sub email trannyagony@live.co.uk or tweet me on @DaniTallulah.


Friday, 3 February 2012

Mistress' Motivational Maiding Methods

Mistress Scarlett Thorne is launching a fabulous new maid training service which i will be assisting with. For further details on enrolling scroll down. If you want to find out more of what you could experience or are just curious about the way of Dommes then read on.

As those who follow me on Twitter are already probably fed-up to the teeth in hearing about, there is nothing that makes me happier than being allowed to go and serve Mistress Scarlett Thorne, almost daily now as a maid and sometimes er... other things.

Arguably, being given the opportunity to spend lots of time with a Mistress and serve Her as well as being able to tranny-up in proper clothes rather than men's ones, should all be motivational enough to work hard and do a good job. But of course for various reasons it does not always work out this way and Dommes feel the need to motivate their slaves and subs in other ways to improve their performance.

Serving Scarlett Thorne has allowed me to experience a few of these methods which as far all have their pros and cons. essentially though they are from the traditional carrot and stick school of motivation, just that less conventionally some of them including the butt plug are arguably both.

Below are some of the methods along with my personal ratings out of 5 on how effective they are.

The Butt Plug:

Stick rating: 3 to 5 (depending on size)
Carrot rating: 3
Convenience: 3
Overall effectiveness: 4

As i have written at length about my  Adventures with a Butt Plug series it seems right to start with this popular motivational method used by Mistresses.

Pros: The great thing about a butt plug is that it is the perfect case of something acting as both carrot and stick at the same time. This method is also in easy to do and stays with a maid/ slave throughout her or his service and sometimes afterwards.

The butt plug certainly helps a maid keep good posture (essential for decorum and looking properly feminine) and it does focus the mind somewhat on the task in hand as well as what's inside you.

It also adds a great deal to being beaten on your backside in terms of potential pain and discomfort although actually it can add a lot of pleasure too (just don't admit it to Mistress when that's the case).

If it is a large butt plug the pain inflicted can teach a sub a valuable lesson especially if Mistress is inserting it Herself and is quite rough about it. As i've said before i've been left in a cold sweat shaking from the experience. On the other hand a nicer fitting size is extremely pleasurable for a maid and is actually a reward for good service.

Another advantage is that a Mistress does not even have to be in the building to insist a maid or sub has a butt plug inserted.

Cons: There is one major con, especially where a Mistress isn't in a position to keep an eye on the sub in question. Essentially it is that the great joy of having a butt plug inside is being able to sit down and jiggle around a bit. A Mistress will want the maid to be busy on her feet getting on with tasks, but there is a bit of an insentive to sit down and make the most of what is inside.

Beating:

Stick rating: 3-5 (depending on implement and severity)
Carrot rating: 2
Convenience: 5
Overall rating: 4

Pros: The great advantage of this time honoured method is its simplicity, speed and directness. A Mistress can dish out instant punishment when She is displeased or encouragement to get a sub to work harder. This is after all the method people used to use to train dogs, although i should say that Scarlett Thorne would never hit a dog. But th point is that evn the most stupid slave will understand the quick message of a well aimed smack.

As an example, when i was mopping up Mistress Scarlett Thorne's piss off the dungeon floor after a session with another slave yesterday, She started beating me with Her hand shouting: "Mop up faster you little bitch! Hurry up! Hurry up!" while raining blows down on me. The memory will stay with me for a long time i hope.

Personally, i quite enjoy being beaten although i always curl up in self defence and it does help. Scarlett Thorne is very good at making it both a painful punishment and fun, which i guess is hardly surprising from a pro-Domme with more than a decade of experience. So it is a bit of a carrot as well as being an obvious stick (often literally).

It has to be said that when implements such as the came come into play then it is a lot more stick than carrot, although there are many who love being beaten with a cane and other things as well. i have to say i had my first caning the other day on the soles of my feet and i was crying.

Cons: Hard to think of any cons, but there is a minor problem with slaves who can't have marks left on them. In this case though the flat of the hand is pretty effective without leaving any evidence.

Electrics:

Stick rating: 5
Carrot rating: 4
Convenience: 1
Overall effectiveness: 5

Pros: In my humble opinion this is by far the most effective method in motivational maiding and cause enormous pain and pleasure. There are times you can literally fall to the floor in agony, but the buzz it gives you is also extremely stimulating.

Essentially it involves an eletrical battery powered device being tied on to the maid or usually stuck down her panties with two or more wired going out to stick on pads then attached to strategically sensitive spots. It is up to Mistress then to switch it on and turn up the intensity as such when She feels like it. Scarlett Thorne has a remote control which can be uised through brick walls.

It certainly makes you want to work quickly and well, especially when it is used for punishment and you know Mistress can turn it up at any moment. In fact there is nothing better for controlling a sub.

You can also go outside with the device.

Cons: The equipment can be bulky and it is fiddly to put on.

Chastity and releases:

Stick rating: 5 for chastity, 0 for releases
Carrot rating: 0 for chastity, 5 for releases
Convenience: 5 without devices, 1 with devices
Overall effectiveness: 4

Pros: Regular readers of this blog will have seen my musings on the importance of chastity in a Mistress' armoury and in the bond between Her and a slave.

As a long term method this is highly effective and the threat that it can be extended on a whim certainly focuses a slave's mind on performing well. Likewise the reward of a release, especially after some time in chastity is extremelymotivating.

Cons: It may not have the instant effect desired becuse chastity is something that taks time to properly inflict pain.

Also it relies entirely on trust and a slave being totally obedient to a Mistress. The only way around this is using devices which are expensive and difficult for many subs to wear in their normal vanilla lives.

Rewards:

Stick rating: 0
Carrot rating: 5
Convenience: 3
Overall effectiveness: 4

Pros: While service itself is nice, the promise of play or shopping trips or the odd little gift from a Mistress makes the sub feel appreciated and want to work harder as it does in other areas of life. The reward can also provide the Mistress with some fun too. Scarlett Thorne has been very generous to me especially with shopping trips.

Cons: If this is used to often a sub can forget that the reward of being able to serve is good enough in itself and it can become about getting something from Mistress. This ultimately leads to surliness and sulking when the rewards don't come.

Threat of the sack/ exile:

Stick rating: 5
Carrot rating: 0
Convenience: 5
Overall effectiveness: 5

Pros: There is no punishment greater than being exiled by a Mistress or even told you can't come and serve again. The threat of it should for a proper sub focus the mind completely on getting things right.

Cons: There is a certain finality about this method when used and usually no return. i have known one slave to be allowed back by Scarlett Thorne, but it is fair to say it might be a last chance.

If you want to enter a maid training course text Mistress Scarlett Thorne on 07910476639. The basic course is £120 and a little more for extras.

If you want any help and advice about being a tranny or a sub then e-mail me at trannyagony@live.co.uk or tweet me at @DaniTallulah.

Friday, 20 January 2012

Adventures with a Butt Plug (part 3) - a guide to doing it yourself

Butt plugs can play a great part in a full session with a Mistress as a means of stretching you for a full strap-on f***ing or part of a whole miriad of tortures being inflicted on your body. Scarlett Thorne is particularly fond of shoving electric butt plugs up into Her slaves which certainly gives you a buzz and the old leap and yelp as the dial gets turned up and down.

However, the great thing about a butt plug, as mentioned in previous posts, is that it is something you can take out of the dungeon to yourself or even in a none BDSM context if you just have an enjoyment of feeling that you are getting f***ed, although trust me it is not nearly the same as the real thing.

i first experienced self buggeration - i think that's probably the term - with a butt plug as "homework" set by Mistress Scarlett Thorne as part of my whore training. Doing the odd session every month was not good enough to stretch me properly and the body does readjust back over time. As anybody who has followed my butt plug adventures on Twitter will know i have had great fun despite the trials and tribulations i outlined in my last Butt Plu Epic post.

But to do it properly, get the enjoyment, not injure yourself and not end up being publicly embarrassed you need to do it right and in the right place. For this reason part 3 deals with how to put a butt plug up your own arse, after all Mistress should have to be constantly bothered by you, She should feel She can just instruct you to do it.

1. Get your equipment.

Necessary items: Butt plug, condoms, lube
Useful extras: Poppers, a thong and a pair of large panties

Make sure the butt plug is the right size. Initially you will probably need advice and a Mistress can advise you on this, but over time you will know. In my case Scarlett Thorne lent me a butt plug but normally you would need to go to a sex, gay or tranny shop or get one off the internet. In terms of size it must be big enough to stretch you and feel invasive buty small enough to fit in without causing injury.

Condoms are easily picked up from pharmacists and are necessary for health and cleanliness reasons. You can also get lubricant from pharmacists, personally i use the one supplied by Boots which is reasonably priced and effective.

Poppers can be got from gay and tranny bars, clubs and shops as well sex shops. They are Alkyl Nitrates which come in small bottles and are sniffed to enhance sexual feeling, but more importantly to relax your anal muscles. With these you can usually go for a bigger size of butt plug.
Warning: Handle with care. Do not drop the liquid on your skin or clothes because it will burn and scar you.

Thong and panties can be picked up from clothes stores obviosly. They are useful for keeping a butt plug in.

2. Find an appropriate location

Unless you live alone or have a partner who shares your interests do not do it at home. Instead this is something that can easily be done at work if you are careful, especially office based jobs.

i always do the operation as such in a cubicle in one of the quieter toilets.

i have also used a butt plug in a hotel room when i've been away and i've used it on a train which was a particularly enjoyable experience. Again on the train i stuck the BP my arse in a toilet cublicle, which was quite challenging but worth it.

3. Preparation

So you are in a quiet place, probably a toilet, you have all the necessary equipment and a re ready to go.

*Strip down below the waste, take off your shoes, trousers (if you're in normal vanilla clothes) and underwear.

*If you have poppers take them now. Sniff it very hard two or three times, at least once in each nostrel but no more. You may need to sniff later but this stuff does kill your brain cells so don't over use. Be careful not to spill any liquid, put the lid back on tightly and then place the bottle in a safe place. Waiti a minute for the effect to begin.

*Put a condom on the butt plug stretching it down so it fully covers the base. If you intend to have it there for more than an hour then put two condoms on. This is to keep the butt plug clean, protect you from germs. Condoms are after all disposable.

*Spread lube over the butt plug starting from the tip where it should be heaviest. The tip is the after all the first point of contact.

*Spread some lub on your own anus and push it in a bit. Do not over use the lube because it could slip out.

*Stick a finger or two into your anus, move them around as a little bit of early stretching.

4. Insertion

*Spread your legs and bend forward. There is a little debate about this, but i find it helps.

*Start taking deep and regular breaths and try to relax your muscles.

*Push the butt plug in gently.

*If it reaches a point of resistance (it should) pull it out and then push it back in again. Keep doing this while breathing deeply because it will allow you to open up to accept it.

*After a few times of putting it in and pulling out, push the butt plug in all the way and push hard at the end. This may hurt a little.

*Stand still for a few moments to allow the butt plug to settle into place. Keep taking deep breaths.

*Clamp your muscles around the butt plug and make sure it is properly in.

5. Securing the butt plug in place.

*If you have a thong put it on and pull it up as far as possible and it will help hold the butt plug there.

*Then put on the bigger panties, if you have them, which literally act as a safety net.

*Afterward, if you are not in tranny clothes, put on your boxer short sn or other man underwear over the top. Then put on your trousers if you are wearing them.

NB Obviously in many ways it is easier to use a butt plug if you are trannied up in a dress. The thong and panties are not necessary but are advisable especially for those who are new to this sort of thing. A butt plug dropping out at work or in public can be pretty embarrassing.

6. Removing the butt plug

This can be surprisingly difficult, especially after it has been in for a while. Sometimes it is ready to just slip out but actually i often find it more painful to remove. The muscles have often clamped hard around it and are unwilling to let go. You can pull it out and try not to yelp, but here is an easier suggestion.

*Squat slightly or just sit on a toilet.

*Put your hand underneath you and hold on to the base of the butt plug.

*Use your muscles to push as if you were having a shit and pull the butt plug. It should come out quite easily with just a little pain.

*There will almost be shit on the butt plug unless you have had an enema, which is unlikely if you have put it in at work or outside a dungeon. So wipe the shit off with toilet paper and throw it in the toilet.

*Then remove the condoms.

*Wrap the condoms in paper or tissue and throw them away discretely in a bin.

*Put the butt plug in a bag with the other gear and hide it properly in a safe place preferably with a lock. A work locker is ideal.

Friday, 13 January 2012

Adventures with a butt plug (part 2) - trials and tribulations


Let me set out the context to this part of the butt plug epic by being absolutely clear - having a butt plug shoved up your arse is NOT supposed to be just fun (even though a lot of us derive a huge amount of perverted pleasure from it).

In the BDSM context at least, when a Mistress rams a butt plug up your jacksy (and most are not particularly gentle) or tells you to do it to yourself the point of the exercise is that it is an invasion of your body.

While it is not rape by any means it is a sustained intrusion which your body will try to fight against.

And if it is not hurting then it is too small. i write this as the point of the butt plug currently inserted into me feels as though it is burrowing deeper into my body as it is forced further in through the weight of my body sat on a chair.

The Mistress i proudly serve, Scarlett Thorne, is very careful in terms of not causing any injury but will take you to your physical limit and extend it. But even though She is considerate by Domme standards there have been occasions when my clothes have been soaked in sweat and i have been left shaking because of the pain and effort required in having a butt plug inserted forcibly by Her. Having said that i quite liked being left in that state, but i get a kick from being abused.

So while i will dwell on the pleasures and benefits of using a butt plug in another part of the BP epic this piece is about the challenges of having an impliment stuck inside you potentially for hours and the difficulties you need to overcome.

i could write about the horrendous injuries which can be caused by misuse of these items and trying to go far to big or hard with them. i won't but will say if you want to avoid serious internal injuries or a ripped sphincter then be sensible about size and build up slowly.

Instead, i will concentrate on the minor challenges which actually can be fun in themselves but need to be dealt with if you are to take your butt plug training seriously.

1. Downfall - the butt plug falls out

i begin with a little story.

A close friend of mine, who can take pretty large butt plugs and strap-ons, had just had a new one inserted by Mistress Scarlett Thorne which appeared to have been lodged in quite tightly. But on his return to work as he was passing the security guard in the foyer he felt it slipping and before he could shout 'oops I need the toilet' the butt plug had come out and fallen right down his trouser leg and, much to his embarrassment, onto the floor in front of the highly amused security guard.

In these circumstances i recommend the 'I was doing it for a bet' line because there isn't much more you can say.

It has to be said that because i work in a particularly sensitive place where i could not get away with such a mishap this is one of my greatest fears. There have been many occasions my hand has clamped my backside or i've run into the toilet because i could feel slippage.

There are several reasons why it comes out. First, it may be too small and second you may have used far too much lube (my ususal problem). Third, though is that the body will defend itself even against your wishes. When i first used butt plugs in sessions they used to pop out quickly because my body was essentially rejecting them.

There are ways to deal with it though. Mistress Scarlett Thorne, when She sends me out with a butt plug in, will put first a G-string on me to hold it in and then larger panties to catch it, should a mishap happen.

Another way is to learn to clamp your muscles to hold it in. This comes witrh practice and you can also teach your body to suck it in too rather than push it out.

2. Walking

Related to the fallout issue, walking is a problem, particularly up stairs. Not only does it increase the risk of losing the butt plug in public, but actually having one lodged inside you generally makes walking a little more painful and definitely slows you down.

The one thing i would say is that it is great for deportment. You are far less likely to be hunched if you have a butt plug in you. It makes you straighten your back and walk with small steps in a careful unrushed manner. In other words it makes you walk in a far more ladylike manner which is one reason all trannies should practice walking with a butt plug rammed firmly up their arse.

3. Concentration

As i said i'm writing this blog with a butt plug inside me, partly to help live the expeierience while i'm doing it rather just remembering a feeling. However, there is a problem and that is that it is very hard to concentrate with something bordering between pleasure and pain moving around in you.

Normally you are not aware of how much you do move in your seat but you are with a butt plug and it means your focus inevitably goes to what is happing inside you both the discomfort and the pleasure.

Also the way sometimes (if it is large enough and pointing at the right spot) it makes you want to cum and if you are in chastity like me you are wrestling with yourself to stop that from happening.  Unfortunately 'sorry Mistress it was the buttt plug that did it' is not an excuse Dommes are willing to accept even if they know it might be true. i once seriously annoyed Scarlett Thorne when She f***ed me hard with a strap on and and it the spot leading to a lot of involuntary mess without Her permission.

Anyway imagine being screwed by somebody and trying to do something else at the same time. Not easy, but you have to learn to multi-task. This comes with practice, just about.

4. Out, out damn spot...

Stains do happen as a result of using a butt plug, especially if it is out of session and you're wearing normal clothes. Part of this is lube running out of your hole and then think where it's shoved up. i shall get on to this aspect shortly.

There is also the issue of minor abbrasions on your hole or from the skin inside you as a result of putting the butt plug in. If you see a little blood don't worry but do give yourself a break from using the butt plug for a day at least. If blood is pouring out get to a hospital asap!

5. Shit happens!

As i said just remember where the butt plug goes... what normally comes out of butts? OK it seems bloody obvious but actually you would be surprised how little people think about this problem before the thing is plunged into their darks depths.

For starters, one of the intended effects of the butt plug is after all to loosen up its user. This means that your muscles and cavity walls are not as tight as they were before it entered you. The result is that it actually harder to control when you shit. i have found that while i have a butt plug inside there have been times i have urgently need to run to the loo because it has evffectively opened the way for what was coming out more slowly before.

Another friend of mine told me he stopped for a while using butt plugs and strap-ons because he had got to such a large size he was finding it hard to control his shits. i have heard of people having to use nappies, not for kinky adult baby reasons but to stop them shitting themselves.

But well before that happens to the body one of the great discomforts of a butt plug is when two opposite and equal forces meet each other inside and you have a butt plug and shit pushing against one another. It is painful. When this happens you have to be careful when you remove the butt plug and clean it.

i should add that if you have a dodgy stomach, don't use a butt plug unless your Mistress is in a cruel mood and orders it. The butt plug will make the problem much worse by opening you up and you will be pulling it out, cleaning it, clearing yourself and then shoving it back in lots of times.

All this also means it is essential to cover your butt plug with at least one condom, probably two to keep it clean. This is important for your general health as well and you should nevertheless still clean the butt plug after use.

There are ways to avoid this. First, go to the loo beforehand and force yourself to shit. Alternatively you can take the butt plug out when you do need to shit and then put it back. This second way often happens to me and is a waste of good lube which isn't cheap.

However, the best thing to do is to have a full enema or douche before using the butt plug. This is virtually impossible to do at work and may be done at homwe if you live alone or with an understanding partner. But it does take time and really needs to be adminstered by somebody else. Mistress Scarlett Thorne does it to me before sessions, usually when i'm going to get whore training with a strap-on. Nobody wants to deal with a lot of shit when that's happening.


Hope you enjoyed this latest part of the Butt Plug Epic. There is more to come shortly probably on what you need to do to insert it yourself and then on how to enjoy it.

If you need any help and advice on being a tranny or a sub then contact me on trannyagony@live.co.uk or on Twitter through @DaniTallulah.

Friday, 6 January 2012

A survival guide for double lives (4) - buried tribute

Happy New Year sweeties! Sorry i haven't been tweeting much lately but it was a manic festive period between maiding for Mistress Scarlett Thorne and my vanilla life family and work duties.

Eventually i will get round to writing up the rest of the butt plug epic, although rather sadly i haven't had much butt plug action lately. But i have had a request to provide some advice on hiding the tribute payments to Mistresses for sessions etc.

As those of you who serve Superiors know, service tribute is not a small matter that can be easily accounted for, although the cost is perfectly reasonable for the chance to spend quality session time with a Domme. Typically the payment, which is made to support a Mistress's lifestyle and should never be mistaken for whoring, will be £200 for an hour.

So if you have a particularly nosy and naturally suspicious partner in your vanilla life who goes through your accounts hiding these payments, especially if they are regular, can be tricky.

In the post Christmas period when things are tight as most of us are feeling the pinch from the economic situation anyway this is perhaps the time to be most careful.

Here are some suggestions:

1. The secret credit card
i have mentioned this in an earlier blog. Barclaycard certainly do paperless accounts with online statements as do others. Take it out without telling your other half and draw money from it.
To stop an audit trail pay it off with cas at the bank and also make sure you keep up with payments because otherwise you'll get a warning letter sent to your home.

2. Cash back
This is a top idea from my good friend @PrincessTST. Basically every time you make a purchase at Tesco or another supermaret, or anywhere which offers cash back take an extra £20. This way the money just looks like part of the payment to the shop.
While a bit fiddly it is the most fool proof method of hiding your transactions. It can also be the means of getting the money to pay back your secret credit card debt.

3. Bank machines
Another way is to take out extra money to put aside over a spread of days before the session when you go to a bank machine. This is something i do quite regularly, you put the money aside and it doesn't look that suspicious.

4. Invent a regular payment
You can persuade your partner that something in your work life needs a regular cas payment which is why the money goes out. Personally i've used money for paymets on a property i rent out as an excuse and usually this sees off searching questions.

5. Make an alternative payment arrangement
You can offer to pay a Mistress's advertising, gym or other costs which come up as what looks like legitimate payments on credit/ debit cards. If you're really clever you might be able to claim the back on tax or expenses, something i've done in the past.

Of course, if you are the sort off well off person for whom taking out large wads of cash is perfectly normal then this advice is not much use, but for most of us keeping these costs hidden is essential to protecting your double life.

If you are a tranny or a sub in need of help or advice then either email me at trannyagony@live.co.uk or tweet me on @DaniTallulah