This week saw the world mark the annual International Women's Day, which is one of the few things the Socialists managed to achieve in the USA.
But while the day is about the struggle for women's equality in the vanilla world - women after all have a higher rank than almost all men in the BDSM world - i want to use its commemoration to look at the question of what is female identity, an issue that is very close to my heart as a tranny.
i celebrated International Women's Day as a woman or a girl. i actually spent a lot of it maiding for Mistress Scarlett Thorne in @TrannyFlat, but leading a double life where i switch from one sharply contrasting identity to the other has led me to question just what it is that differentiates the man or boy in my vanilla life and the woman or girl in my tranny sub life.
i should say now that i consider myself to be a girl/ woman/ female. i am in my heart and my head if not in my genitals, and the male existence is not actually the real me but a facade to keep a lot of other people happy. In other circumstances i think i would have opted for sex change surgery.
However, recently i was attacked on Twitter for the way my female persona is portrayed. The tweet of mine which caused offence was while i was waiting to pick up my family from a holiday after i'd spent three days solid as a girl.
i tweeted: "waiting for#vanilla family trying to think like a man which is hard after three days as a girl..."
At the time i thought it summed up my struggle with a dual identity but apparently it was "insulting" and in the discussion that followed it seemed that i was considered to be an example of a general problem with trannies using "outdated models of women."
Interestingly, i was told i should use the word "gurl" not "girl" to describe myself, in other words not a real female and pigeon holed in a particular term.
The conversation then got into what i can only call tranny snobbery about cross dressers not being real transvestites. While there are some men who are just cross dressers, the accusation is often unfairly used against those of us who can't lead a TV life full time.
On the intial argument though, i guess it's hard to say that i'm not guilty of using what some believe to be sexist stereotypes, although i believe that much of this is about context and everybody who follows me here or on Twitter knows which context i write in and that is as a tranny sub.
But it did get me thinking again about sexual identity. i'm actually bi-sexual in terms of being sexually attracted to people which further confuses things. Am i being gay when i suck cock or straight as a woman or a lesbian with women or straight as a man?
As i say being a sub is entwined with my life as a girl, although the two are distinct they are hard to separate. This means that i express myself as a maid or sometimes a slut or whore and generally subservient as a woman. But on the other hand i am in thrall to a very powerful female role model in Mistress Scarlett Thorne. Some in the vanilla world may see a Dominatrix as a simple whore and degrading for women, i see them as enpowered and in many cases inspirational, particularly Mistress Thorne.
But those words i use about myself - maid, slut and whore - are also often taken in a negative context by feminists but they are things i take pride in and actually have worked hard to achieve in a relatively short time and i know many other T-girls feel the same way. They are not things you can become overnight and the business of feminising yourself or being feminised is not as easy as it sometimes sounds.
It is interesting that one of the the latest feminist movements is the slut walk which goes to show that words can have their own power for different groups. It is a bit like black people using the n word about each other. It is totally different if the n word comes from a white person's mouth.
So apart from the sub identities what is it that makes me a woman? Is there more to being a woman or girl than keeping my legs closed when i sit down, as Mistress has taught me to do, or the female clothes i wear? Does wearing make up make me more of a woman? Or is it the way i walk swinging my hips? Or is it even the style of my girl's hair? Is it a greater interest in fashion than football? Is it that i like rugby for the players not the game? Is it taking a less aggressive attitude to life? Is it being able to have girly chats or the subjects which interest us more?
i would say that it is all these things, although some would point out that they could apply cross gender. One thing i'd say is that my love of sport since i started my transition has almost disappeared while my previous non-existant interest in clothes and fashion has become all consuming.
Is there a hunter/ gatherer thing in the old cave men and women analogy? Certainly i have gone from hating shopping as a man to loving it as a woman.
But better people than i have wrestled with what differentiates a man or woman, girl or boy in modern western society where roles are no longer distinct. It gets even more complicated when we delve into the transgender world where even after operations some people will refuse to consider us the sex we really are.
For trannies, especially those of us who can only live as a woman in the shadows on occasions, it is easy to grab on to the stereotypes to express a female identity because it is out there and clear. However, we trannies have to deal with even more prejudice than women from all sides so it is perhaps not surprising we seek safety in what seems to be a clear identity.
Speaking for myself, when i am dressed and sitting talking to Scarlett Thorne i feel a 100 per cent girl, She considers me as such and not a man at all. i know i act differently, my voice is different, i think differently, i take a different attitude to problems and my demeanour is different. i cannot put my finger exactly on what the difference is because it is a collection of small things but as a person who lives as both a man and a woman i know in my heart exactly what it is.
Unfortunately, for once i have not provided a clear answer or advice here, but in the end man, woman, boy, girl, gurl, cross dresser, tranny, sissy or T-girl it is perhaps a question of how you consider yourself and how you wish to express your identity.
In this sense my identity is growing stronger everyday as a girl not a gurl, as one who is proud to be a maid to a Mistress, a slut and sometimes a whore. So for me the answer to the riddle is for each of us to find our own way to a place and identity where we are comfortable and happy.
Anybody who wants help or advice as a tranny or a sub please email at trannyagony@live.co.uk or tweet me at @DaniTallulah.
But while the day is about the struggle for women's equality in the vanilla world - women after all have a higher rank than almost all men in the BDSM world - i want to use its commemoration to look at the question of what is female identity, an issue that is very close to my heart as a tranny.
i celebrated International Women's Day as a woman or a girl. i actually spent a lot of it maiding for Mistress Scarlett Thorne in @TrannyFlat, but leading a double life where i switch from one sharply contrasting identity to the other has led me to question just what it is that differentiates the man or boy in my vanilla life and the woman or girl in my tranny sub life.
i should say now that i consider myself to be a girl/ woman/ female. i am in my heart and my head if not in my genitals, and the male existence is not actually the real me but a facade to keep a lot of other people happy. In other circumstances i think i would have opted for sex change surgery.
However, recently i was attacked on Twitter for the way my female persona is portrayed. The tweet of mine which caused offence was while i was waiting to pick up my family from a holiday after i'd spent three days solid as a girl.
i tweeted: "waiting for
At the time i thought it summed up my struggle with a dual identity but apparently it was "insulting" and in the discussion that followed it seemed that i was considered to be an example of a general problem with trannies using "outdated models of women."
Interestingly, i was told i should use the word "gurl" not "girl" to describe myself, in other words not a real female and pigeon holed in a particular term.
The conversation then got into what i can only call tranny snobbery about cross dressers not being real transvestites. While there are some men who are just cross dressers, the accusation is often unfairly used against those of us who can't lead a TV life full time.
On the intial argument though, i guess it's hard to say that i'm not guilty of using what some believe to be sexist stereotypes, although i believe that much of this is about context and everybody who follows me here or on Twitter knows which context i write in and that is as a tranny sub.
But it did get me thinking again about sexual identity. i'm actually bi-sexual in terms of being sexually attracted to people which further confuses things. Am i being gay when i suck cock or straight as a woman or a lesbian with women or straight as a man?
As i say being a sub is entwined with my life as a girl, although the two are distinct they are hard to separate. This means that i express myself as a maid or sometimes a slut or whore and generally subservient as a woman. But on the other hand i am in thrall to a very powerful female role model in Mistress Scarlett Thorne. Some in the vanilla world may see a Dominatrix as a simple whore and degrading for women, i see them as enpowered and in many cases inspirational, particularly Mistress Thorne.
But those words i use about myself - maid, slut and whore - are also often taken in a negative context by feminists but they are things i take pride in and actually have worked hard to achieve in a relatively short time and i know many other T-girls feel the same way. They are not things you can become overnight and the business of feminising yourself or being feminised is not as easy as it sometimes sounds.
It is interesting that one of the the latest feminist movements is the slut walk which goes to show that words can have their own power for different groups. It is a bit like black people using the n word about each other. It is totally different if the n word comes from a white person's mouth.
So apart from the sub identities what is it that makes me a woman? Is there more to being a woman or girl than keeping my legs closed when i sit down, as Mistress has taught me to do, or the female clothes i wear? Does wearing make up make me more of a woman? Or is it the way i walk swinging my hips? Or is it even the style of my girl's hair? Is it a greater interest in fashion than football? Is it that i like rugby for the players not the game? Is it taking a less aggressive attitude to life? Is it being able to have girly chats or the subjects which interest us more?
i would say that it is all these things, although some would point out that they could apply cross gender. One thing i'd say is that my love of sport since i started my transition has almost disappeared while my previous non-existant interest in clothes and fashion has become all consuming.
Is there a hunter/ gatherer thing in the old cave men and women analogy? Certainly i have gone from hating shopping as a man to loving it as a woman.
But better people than i have wrestled with what differentiates a man or woman, girl or boy in modern western society where roles are no longer distinct. It gets even more complicated when we delve into the transgender world where even after operations some people will refuse to consider us the sex we really are.
For trannies, especially those of us who can only live as a woman in the shadows on occasions, it is easy to grab on to the stereotypes to express a female identity because it is out there and clear. However, we trannies have to deal with even more prejudice than women from all sides so it is perhaps not surprising we seek safety in what seems to be a clear identity.
Speaking for myself, when i am dressed and sitting talking to Scarlett Thorne i feel a 100 per cent girl, She considers me as such and not a man at all. i know i act differently, my voice is different, i think differently, i take a different attitude to problems and my demeanour is different. i cannot put my finger exactly on what the difference is because it is a collection of small things but as a person who lives as both a man and a woman i know in my heart exactly what it is.
Unfortunately, for once i have not provided a clear answer or advice here, but in the end man, woman, boy, girl, gurl, cross dresser, tranny, sissy or T-girl it is perhaps a question of how you consider yourself and how you wish to express your identity.
In this sense my identity is growing stronger everyday as a girl not a gurl, as one who is proud to be a maid to a Mistress, a slut and sometimes a whore. So for me the answer to the riddle is for each of us to find our own way to a place and identity where we are comfortable and happy.
Anybody who wants help or advice as a tranny or a sub please email at trannyagony@live.co.uk or tweet me at @DaniTallulah.
2 comments:
very deep this one Dani, very thought provoking, but honest as always. You are by far my favourite blogger xx
this is a fantastic article. Really delves deep, though I suspect only actually scratches the surface.
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