Sunday, 13 November 2011

A roadmap for finding the right Mistress

Start point: You're a would-be slave looking for a Mistress. Where do you go from here? Follow these directions and signs and with some added luck and careful driving you may eventually find the Mistress of your dreams.

This actually seems an appropriate topic to talk about on the first anniversary of being properly owned by Mistress Scarlett Thorne, if you recall i was baptised in a bath of Her piss (ah.. happy memory). But finding a Mistress was the start of what has been a wonderful journey, although it was not an easy path at the beginning.

The notion of a slave choosing his or her Mistress seems a little bit odd, but essentially that is of course what initially happens because the vast majority of these encounters and relationships begin for a slave as one of a client fuinding a Domme.

It is also true to say that Dommes, especially the better ones, choose Their slaves and can be very picky. It took me two months of hard effort to first see Scarlett Thorne, although it was certainly worth the effort and climbing that particular rockface to get to the true path.
Direction 1: If you have found a Mistress you think you would really like to serve, don't give up if it takes a while to see Her unless She tells you in no uncertain terms to go away. Some Mistresses like potential slaves to beg over a period of time. A Mistress who can afford to be choosy is probably worth seeing.

For obvious reasons, Mistresses are particularly picky when it comes to setting up some sort of lifestyle arrangement with. In that sense my one year anniversary of Mistress essentially picking me to be one of Her tranny slaves as opposed to a year on from when i first met Her is far more important to me.

There are different approaches to finding the right Mistress. If you are looking for a quick pervy kick and don't have an interest in building some sort of relationship as a slave of a Mistress then it probably doesn't matter too much who you see although it's still no bad idea to find a proper practioner as opposed to somebody who is just offering the service as an extra.

Direction 2: Slutting around may get you to your destination but you may end up getting lost.

Some subs enjoy slutting around with lots of different Mistresses, maybe because they enjoy variety. This is the case with one of my close sub friends until he was turned by Scarlett Thorne.

It can be that slutting around is actually also just a good way of finding the right Mistress and hoping She likes you enough to see you again. After all you don't really know until you meet somebody. But if you want to keep a close care of your identity this is perhaps a risky approach, it can also be expensive.

More importantly some Mistresses really don't like slaves slutting around especially after they have seen them, so it can cause offence and close some doors. Basically you're saying to them "You weren't good enough".

i have to say that i was extremely lucky in that i'm the slave equivalent of a prospector who found a rich gold mine with the first shake of his tray. i say "luck" but it was not completely lucky in that i spent a lot of time researching who to go to before i settled on Scarlett Thorne.

Direction 3: Find a mistress who is really interested in your interests. Read Their don't dos and check for preferred activities.

Obviously the easiest way to find a Mistress is on the web these days. Google takes a more leniant attitude to Dommes than it does to other parts of the sex industry.

There are hundreds and thousands of sites out there and most Mistresses have Their own website which will list things They do and don't do. It is very important to look at what They don't do otherwise there can be some unfortunate misunderstandings. Things like hardsports and bloodsports are specialities that many Mistresses do not like.

Most Mistresses will say they do most of the things which are normally asked for, but a lot will also tell you what They really like. Take careful note of this.

For example you may want a more sensual Mistress who is interested in forced bi and cross dressing or one who is a lot more proper and austere or go for something more brutal into heavy caning or genuinely extreme. This is a bit over simplified but hopefully you get the gist.

Direction 4: Look for experience. A Mistress who has been Domming for a long time is more skills and more likely to be trusted.

It may be tempting to go for somebody because they are young and good looking, but actually they may have little knowledge of Domming. If you want somebody to have sex with then look for that, if you want to be a slave then look for something different.

This of course does not mean Dommes who are young and good looking should be ruled out. Both Scarlett Thorne is in Her 20s and looks great but has been Domming for a few years. In Mistress Thorne's case a decade.

Experience guarantees that the Mistress knows what She's doung. BDSM is actually a very complicated and at times dangerous activity so you don't want some amateur sticking things into you without the necessary skill and care.

The other thing about a Domme who has been in the business for a while is that they are seriously committed to it and not looking for a fast buck. This means that if you have cause for fearing your identity may be revealed then you are much safer.

Direction 5: Avoid Mistresses who love publicising themselves regularly in newspapers, magazines and on TV.

This tip is again mainly for those who need to hide their identity. Many Dommes may not like this, but when somebody takes the coin of the media, especially if they become a personality then they will attract much more unwanted attention and may also be more likely to be the type who would pass your name on.

Direction 6: Take your time about it

This is after all a very important life decision and one which can make a significant change to your life in a wonderful way if you get it right. So it is better to take your time,  research properly and get it right first time.

Direction 7: Don't go round in circles getting worried about whether Mistresses have been in other parts of the sex industry or not

There is quite a debate over whether Mistresses are or aren't part of the sex industry and whether those who have been prostitutes, poll dancers or something else before can be trusted or a re proper Dommes. It's a bit of a beltway argument between Mistresses to be honest but it does cause some quite bitter exchanges.

One school of thought is that a Domme is actually the pinacle of the sex industry and can be only done by somebody who has worked their way up and learned the ropes the hard way as such. Others prefer to think of BDSM as something different and Dommes should not mix with the sex industry at all.

There are excellent Dommes in both camps, so it really shouldn't worry you too much.

Direction 8: Find a Mistress with a caring side.

This may seem to be an odd tip for a relationship which involves punishment, torture and humiliation, but a cold man hater who really doesn't mind what damage She inflicts on you is not as good as the fantasy. i don't say this through personal experience, but i know of some pretty hairy stories which in some cases have ended up with the police (although i would suggest to a slave to just walkaway and never go to the Old Bill).

The odd thing is that a Mistress who cares for Her slaves is one who can get the best out of punishment, torture and humiliation. This is one of the great strengths of Scarlett Thorne.
Direction 9: Most importantly, find a Mistress you can believe in. This could be in looks as well as personality, but it is somebody you really want to serve.

This is the most important thing especially if you want to make some sort of commitment or lifestyle arrangement with the Mistress in question. Looks are important which is why Dommes spend so much time and money on clothes, atmosphere etc. This is not necessarily conventional beauty just somebody who inspires awe and wonder. Some are heavil ito tattoos and body modification which is almost its own interest area for some subs.

But most important of all, at least for me is, personality. You need to feel that the person has authority over you and is somebody who naturally exerts control.

There are some Mistresses who you can sense psychological weakness in and personally i could not serve somebody who was psychologically weaker than me. To be dominated you need to be pitted against somebody who can take over your mind.

i don't think the same is true of physical strength although some do. For me a Mistress may be smaller physically but tower above me psychologically and that is perhaps key to the whole relationship working.

As an example dogs do not see each other in terms of physical size. i once had a little Westie which pursued and terrified rottweillers. The point is that dogs sense size of personality and dominance through their noses as opposed to physical size and their reactions are based on that. i believe a successful Mistress/ slave arrangement is similar.

Destination: All this is a long way of saying - find yourself a top Bitch ;) However, if you've reached this point then you're actually just at the start of an amazing journey.

If you need help or advice as a tranny or a sub e-mail me at or tweet me on @DaniTallulah.

Monday, 7 November 2011

Shopping for frilly knickers - the neverending tranny quest

Back from my mini-adventure in France and Italy and then house hunting for Mistress Scarlett Thorne, i've got some time to start blogging again and sadly i'm a little behind on requests.

But i'll start with one i received this week because it covers one of the great joys of being a tranny as well as being a great cause of nervousness, especially for newbies - clothes shopping.

As a man i hated shopping (except for music and books) but i've fallen in love with Britain's top leisure pursuit since i embraced my tranny self and there is nothing nicer than going clothes shopping, particularly with Mistress and my tranny friends (@Maid_Felicity especially is a natural born shopper).

The request i received from @dicklet - one of the rather intimidating and awesome Mistress Rouge's slaves - asked me about where it is best to go shopping for frilly knickers, preferably in the High Street. The sinple answer to @dicklet is: "Where do you want to begin?" because there is so much choice out there.

The real issues are how much you want to spend, and whether you want classy, naughty or slutty.

Personally, as followers of mine on Twitter know, i prefer web shopping. It's easier to do and is a cowards way out from evil stares as a man or tranny wanders through the women's underwear department. Let's not even talk about the evil women who guard fitting rooms.

But as far as actual shops go i'm a bit of a Primark slut. It's cheap and does a great range of good quality sexy clothes including underwear. The sadly limited time i have to go shopping means i often go there as first choice.

It may sound like the shopping choice of your mother but a very good place for underwear is Marks and Spencer. I also have a personal liking for La Senza (which is Italian for 'without' suggesting a more minimalist approach).

But most places which sell a good range of women's clothes will have a decent selection of underwear, so it's worth wandering around, especially if you have time. I also really like Next, but more for dresses and it's not that cheap.

You will see from @dicklet's comment that i missed out supermarkets. Generally, they're ok and reasonably priced but i'm never taken much by the selection. Asda is by far the best.

For naughtier looks there is always Ann Summers on most High Streets. For the really naughty stuff head to the sex shops, Soho in London has plenty of places.

One tip for those who live in London and want to feel relaxed tranny shopping is to head straight to Camden Market and look around the shops and market there. Not always the cheapest although not really expensive but there are wonderful clothes (of all types) to be found and is a genuinely relaxed and liberal place. It is rare for a shopkeeper there to bat an eyelid for a man in a suit asking to try on girls clothes. The place is also just fun to be at and i have to say i go as often as i can.

However, i should add that apparently Brick Lane Market in London is even better than Camden. While i haven't been, Mistress Scarlett Thorne, who has impecable taste in these matters, was there the other day and said it completely slaps Camden down.

There are also some decent tranny shops such as Transformation near Euston, which i visited last week and wish i could have more time in although it was a little expensive. Online there is also Westwardbound and Honour, which also both have shops.

But online shopping does bring me to my favourite site of all - ebay. If you are looking for a good deal there is plenty of fun to be had searching it and finding some wonderful clothes. Just make sure you know your correct size.

i can promise you there will be plenty more blogs on shopping. There will be more blogs on other subjects this week too.

If you have any concerns, queries about being a tranny or a sub then e-mail me at or tweet me on @DaniTallulah.