Friday, 1 November 2013

10 conversation lines to avoid if you want to pull a T-girl

When i was a man i was utterly rubbish at chat up lines. This may be because i was never a proper man but a girl stuck in a boy's body, however, since i finally embraced my true female nature i have had to endure the appalling variety of chat up lines men bombard us with and i am beginning to think that it may just be a general male failing.

i know there are plenty of guys out there who went to get into a T-girl's pants so here are some helpful tips in what conversation lines to avoid if you want to pull by the end of the night. These generally are true for girls who were lucky enough to be born in female bodies too, but even more so for T-girls because we tend to focus even more on the feminine.

1. Quoting Monty Python
Why do guys think this is the ultimate chat up line? i know you guys thinks it's the funniest thing ever and that woman played by Gwyneth Paltrow in Sliding Doors is supposedly wooed by some Python humour but you may as well pour a bucket of cold sick over a gurl because that's what quoting Python does to your chances of getting a shag.

2. Discussing football teams, tactics or whatever
Save it for the guys in the pub they appreciate other bores. The only good thing about sports stars is how good looking some are and who has been involved in the latest naughty gossip.

3. Military matters
Soldiers are fit and probably better looking than you. That's all the information we need.

4. Talk about your job.
Even if you think it is fascinating it is not. The exception to the rule is if you are a plastic surgeon offering a free boob job, a make-up artist, masseur, fitness instructor, model agent, involved in anyway in fashion or a jeweller ie useful jobs. And if you're a pimp i've already got one so f*** off! 

5. Boasting about how many pints you can down in one go.
Sorry all it means is that you end up limp and needing a piss all the time. Not worth opening our legs for.

6. Pretending you have an in depth knowledge of the stars.
I have yet to meet a man who can go beyond the Plough and it's the wrong stars anyway. We gurls may want to talk about celeb stars or even astrology stars which most guys don't have a clue about.

7. Science fiction 
Yawn! Still the wrong bloody stars.

8. Fantasy
The only Lord of the Rings we are interested in is some rich bloke giving us expensive jewellery.

9. How high you can score on computer games
As a general rule is the higher you computer score the smaller your... 

10. Cars
Omg! Is it pretty looking? Does it have a nice colour? Anything beyond that is really very unimportant. Oh yes the most important question: Is there enough room in the back seat or do we need to find a hotel?