There are not many occasions in one's life where you are afforded a window into your own soul and see yourself as you really are as opposed how you imagine yourself. Some people search for a such a chance in spiritual meditation, but more often than not it comes in a moment of great emotional charge when the plight of others suddenly becomes a mirror reflecting your image back.
This is exactly what happened to me this week in the most unlikely of circumstances when out of my strange curiosity and interest for politics i watched the replay of the House of Lords tributes to the former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher on the Parliament TV website when i got home from work. What i saw did not only metaphorically grab me by my guts but it scared the living day lights out of me as i finally understood the secret to my tranny life and most of all my relationship with Mistress Scarlett Thorne.
i realise that Lady Thatcher's political legacy and policies sharply divides opinion and this piece makes no attempt to judge those things one way or the other. What fascinated me was the immense power even in death She held over others and the way Her life force transformed those closest to Her.
You may notice that i am using the Dominatrix capital letters terms to refer to Baroness Thatcher. She may not have been part of the BDSM world and She certainly was not a professional Dominatrix but there can be no doubt that She was a Domme in the truest sense of the word who exerted incredible control over the lesser beings that surrounded Her.
In fact i find the Lady Thatcher/ Mistress Thorne similarities scary. They are both red haired super-charged, super-talented women, who can be an outstanding success at whatever They set their minds to. But more than that Lady Thatcher was and Mistress Thorne is a Woman who inspires complete awe and devotion to those lucky enough to come close enough to be in their inner or even out circles. It is not just a case of a huge charisma, there are many people who possess one of those, or even massive self belief, it is the complete devotion that each of the Two manage to receive from Their followers.
Meeting people like that is something that happens only very rarely and for most people it never happens at all. i consider myself extremely fortunate to have been allowed to serve Scarlett Thorne but even to have met Her and known Her is an immense privilege.
Strangely enough historical records suggest the same is true of the most famous English redheaded woman - Elizabeth I.
But i would go even further. These women, certainly Lady Thatcher and Mistress Thorne seem to emit a life force which energises their followers and without which they are left like an empty husk.
i had often tried to define my relationship with Scarlett Thorne. Somehow a Domme/ sub relationship never seemed to cover it, but i was never able to find the words. It was not love, was not friendship, it was not the same as a bitch and her Mistress. Then this week it was the image of the men who devotedly followed Lady Thatcher that finally gave me my answer.
Packed into the Lords were names from British political history, mostly forgotten, but men who once wielded huge power in this country - Geoffrey Howe, Norman Tebbit, William Waldergrave, Tom King, Michael Jopling, Michael Forsyth, Norman Fowler, Douglas Hurd, John Gummer, Robert Armstrong and others.
You may recognise some, all or none of the names but these were men who when they served in Thatcher's government were filled with vigour and resolve. They dominated the country and shaped it in Her image.
But yesterday it was not only age which had shrivelled them. They looked like a broken army bereft of their leader of their inspiration or The Woman who gave them the force and energy to continue. They were empty shells echoing with the memories of Someone far greater than themselves.
It was clear that to a man, almost, they had remained devoted to Her well beyond Her fall from power and still were even after death. Looking into their faces i saw my own fate if i should outlive Mistress Thorne or at some point find myself out of Her service. It was obvious that their devotion to their Domme superseded marriage, careers and everything else as i have found my devotion to Scarlett Thorne has done for me.
This is not to say these Women are perfect, to strike a slightly controversial note and one which might get me in trouble with Mistress Thorne.
It was interesting that Tebbit, one of the Thatcher's greatest devotees, said he often argued with Her and added: "She hated people who sucked up to Her."
Both Women have Their weaknesses and foibles (not that i am going to detail them), but actually as bravery is defined by conquering fear not lacking fear, then i think that true devotion is being devoted despite knowing the person you have given your life to is flawed.
However, what frightened me was that two of the men in particular seemed to me to reveal one of two fates that awaits me.
First, there is Geoffrey Howe a man i empathise with a lot. He cut a lonely figure on the benches abandoned by all his old colleagues disgusted at what was an act of immense betrayal of the Iron Lady. Yet for many years he was perhaps Her most devoted minister. He put himself, his feelings and beliefs aside to get done what She wanted done. Howe was Thatcher's go to man. As Chancellor he delivered the most rightwing Thatcherite budget in modern British history and yet all this is forgotten amongst the devotees as they look on the man who has become the damned.
In 1990 Howe resigned from the government when for the first time he stood up for his own views and his subsequent speech is what set of the chain of events which brought about Lady Thatcher's demise.
Who knows if he regrets it but i think he does. As i looked on i saw a man bent, alone and haggard, broken and despised. He seemed desperately unhappy and was the subject of many barbs from others before he finally silently left.
Why do i feel for him? Well i have been there - too often! In fact this piece was going to be my tranny obituary. i did not bring Scarlett Thorne down, but betrayal comes in many different forms and without going into details my hubris, moodiness and ingratitude led to a period of exile from which i had not expected to return. Strangely enough - in Her uncanny ability to pick a moment - i am writing this piece on a day when Mistress Thorne has offered me a chance to start the long road to redemption. i am sure though that should i fail again, and maybe if i don't do enough to properly take a chance i don't deserve, then Howe's fate awaits me. A person reduced to less than nothing.
i think for him the great pain of his treachery was that it separates him from the life force of his old boss. For me it is partly that i cannot be my true self as a gurl, but the real pain is being cut off from the energy that Scarlett Thorne gives all Her followers. It made me realise my tranny existence is entirely entwined with my service to Her. danitallulah was created and given life by Scarlett Thorne through a baptism in a bath of Her piss, dani's existence without Mistress Thorne is one of emptiness.
Even a few weeks of banishment is terribly painful and seeing Howe made me understand why i stood the pain in the faint hope of being allowed back because it was better than the desolation of total loss by walking away.
But there is another form of damnation for a devotee, which while not in the ninth circle of Hell of the traitor, is no less painful.
Norman Tebbit - a man so tough he was once known as the Chingford skinhead - was gulping back the tears as he spoke of his one regret with Lady Thatcher. Tebbit and his wife were injured in the IRA's bomb which blew up the Grand Hotel in Brighton in 1986. His wife was left severely disabled in a wheelchair. But despite this he went on to help Baroness Thatcher win the 1987 election but then retired so he could care for his wife and refused to take ministerial office again.
"I left Her [Thatcher] to the mercy of Her friends," he said in the Lords this week, referring to the betrayal by Tory MPs which led to Mrs T being ousted.
For Tebbit there was a double life choice which has often troubled me and will continue to trouble me. For him the great devotion was Thatcher but he had to do the right thing and care for his wife.
For me it is my service to Scarlett Thorne and my tranny life and my vanilla life and duties to my family who i love very much and a career i have invested much of my life in. At the moment i have managed to keeep both going although the tranny life supersedes the vanilla one. But i fear that one day i will not be able to continue with both and will have to make a choice. At the moment i would have to make the moral not selfish choice of my family ahead of the Woman i am devoted to.
For Tebbit being forced to make the choice and seeing what happened when he stepped away clearly broke him. He was nothing without his Domme i fear the same would be true of me.
But i hate to finish on a down note. The one thing that can be said of all Thatcher's followers was that they all experienced something extraordinary. The Woman who inspired them may no longer be with them but those experiences and memories cannot be taken away. In that sense they were truly privileged.
If i was never to see Scarlett Thorne again from tomorrow the same would be true of me. It has been an amazing joy and privilege even to have spent two and a bit years in Her service and if i could go back in time i would not hesitate to go into Her service again.
This is exactly what happened to me this week in the most unlikely of circumstances when out of my strange curiosity and interest for politics i watched the replay of the House of Lords tributes to the former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher on the Parliament TV website when i got home from work. What i saw did not only metaphorically grab me by my guts but it scared the living day lights out of me as i finally understood the secret to my tranny life and most of all my relationship with Mistress Scarlett Thorne.
i realise that Lady Thatcher's political legacy and policies sharply divides opinion and this piece makes no attempt to judge those things one way or the other. What fascinated me was the immense power even in death She held over others and the way Her life force transformed those closest to Her.
You may notice that i am using the Dominatrix capital letters terms to refer to Baroness Thatcher. She may not have been part of the BDSM world and She certainly was not a professional Dominatrix but there can be no doubt that She was a Domme in the truest sense of the word who exerted incredible control over the lesser beings that surrounded Her.
In fact i find the Lady Thatcher/ Mistress Thorne similarities scary. They are both red haired super-charged, super-talented women, who can be an outstanding success at whatever They set their minds to. But more than that Lady Thatcher was and Mistress Thorne is a Woman who inspires complete awe and devotion to those lucky enough to come close enough to be in their inner or even out circles. It is not just a case of a huge charisma, there are many people who possess one of those, or even massive self belief, it is the complete devotion that each of the Two manage to receive from Their followers.
Meeting people like that is something that happens only very rarely and for most people it never happens at all. i consider myself extremely fortunate to have been allowed to serve Scarlett Thorne but even to have met Her and known Her is an immense privilege.
Strangely enough historical records suggest the same is true of the most famous English redheaded woman - Elizabeth I.
But i would go even further. These women, certainly Lady Thatcher and Mistress Thorne seem to emit a life force which energises their followers and without which they are left like an empty husk.
i had often tried to define my relationship with Scarlett Thorne. Somehow a Domme/ sub relationship never seemed to cover it, but i was never able to find the words. It was not love, was not friendship, it was not the same as a bitch and her Mistress. Then this week it was the image of the men who devotedly followed Lady Thatcher that finally gave me my answer.
Packed into the Lords were names from British political history, mostly forgotten, but men who once wielded huge power in this country - Geoffrey Howe, Norman Tebbit, William Waldergrave, Tom King, Michael Jopling, Michael Forsyth, Norman Fowler, Douglas Hurd, John Gummer, Robert Armstrong and others.
You may recognise some, all or none of the names but these were men who when they served in Thatcher's government were filled with vigour and resolve. They dominated the country and shaped it in Her image.
But yesterday it was not only age which had shrivelled them. They looked like a broken army bereft of their leader of their inspiration or The Woman who gave them the force and energy to continue. They were empty shells echoing with the memories of Someone far greater than themselves.
It was clear that to a man, almost, they had remained devoted to Her well beyond Her fall from power and still were even after death. Looking into their faces i saw my own fate if i should outlive Mistress Thorne or at some point find myself out of Her service. It was obvious that their devotion to their Domme superseded marriage, careers and everything else as i have found my devotion to Scarlett Thorne has done for me.
This is not to say these Women are perfect, to strike a slightly controversial note and one which might get me in trouble with Mistress Thorne.
It was interesting that Tebbit, one of the Thatcher's greatest devotees, said he often argued with Her and added: "She hated people who sucked up to Her."
Both Women have Their weaknesses and foibles (not that i am going to detail them), but actually as bravery is defined by conquering fear not lacking fear, then i think that true devotion is being devoted despite knowing the person you have given your life to is flawed.
However, what frightened me was that two of the men in particular seemed to me to reveal one of two fates that awaits me.
First, there is Geoffrey Howe a man i empathise with a lot. He cut a lonely figure on the benches abandoned by all his old colleagues disgusted at what was an act of immense betrayal of the Iron Lady. Yet for many years he was perhaps Her most devoted minister. He put himself, his feelings and beliefs aside to get done what She wanted done. Howe was Thatcher's go to man. As Chancellor he delivered the most rightwing Thatcherite budget in modern British history and yet all this is forgotten amongst the devotees as they look on the man who has become the damned.
In 1990 Howe resigned from the government when for the first time he stood up for his own views and his subsequent speech is what set of the chain of events which brought about Lady Thatcher's demise.
Who knows if he regrets it but i think he does. As i looked on i saw a man bent, alone and haggard, broken and despised. He seemed desperately unhappy and was the subject of many barbs from others before he finally silently left.
Why do i feel for him? Well i have been there - too often! In fact this piece was going to be my tranny obituary. i did not bring Scarlett Thorne down, but betrayal comes in many different forms and without going into details my hubris, moodiness and ingratitude led to a period of exile from which i had not expected to return. Strangely enough - in Her uncanny ability to pick a moment - i am writing this piece on a day when Mistress Thorne has offered me a chance to start the long road to redemption. i am sure though that should i fail again, and maybe if i don't do enough to properly take a chance i don't deserve, then Howe's fate awaits me. A person reduced to less than nothing.
i think for him the great pain of his treachery was that it separates him from the life force of his old boss. For me it is partly that i cannot be my true self as a gurl, but the real pain is being cut off from the energy that Scarlett Thorne gives all Her followers. It made me realise my tranny existence is entirely entwined with my service to Her. danitallulah was created and given life by Scarlett Thorne through a baptism in a bath of Her piss, dani's existence without Mistress Thorne is one of emptiness.
Even a few weeks of banishment is terribly painful and seeing Howe made me understand why i stood the pain in the faint hope of being allowed back because it was better than the desolation of total loss by walking away.
But there is another form of damnation for a devotee, which while not in the ninth circle of Hell of the traitor, is no less painful.
Norman Tebbit - a man so tough he was once known as the Chingford skinhead - was gulping back the tears as he spoke of his one regret with Lady Thatcher. Tebbit and his wife were injured in the IRA's bomb which blew up the Grand Hotel in Brighton in 1986. His wife was left severely disabled in a wheelchair. But despite this he went on to help Baroness Thatcher win the 1987 election but then retired so he could care for his wife and refused to take ministerial office again.
"I left Her [Thatcher] to the mercy of Her friends," he said in the Lords this week, referring to the betrayal by Tory MPs which led to Mrs T being ousted.
For Tebbit there was a double life choice which has often troubled me and will continue to trouble me. For him the great devotion was Thatcher but he had to do the right thing and care for his wife.
For me it is my service to Scarlett Thorne and my tranny life and my vanilla life and duties to my family who i love very much and a career i have invested much of my life in. At the moment i have managed to keeep both going although the tranny life supersedes the vanilla one. But i fear that one day i will not be able to continue with both and will have to make a choice. At the moment i would have to make the moral not selfish choice of my family ahead of the Woman i am devoted to.
For Tebbit being forced to make the choice and seeing what happened when he stepped away clearly broke him. He was nothing without his Domme i fear the same would be true of me.
But i hate to finish on a down note. The one thing that can be said of all Thatcher's followers was that they all experienced something extraordinary. The Woman who inspired them may no longer be with them but those experiences and memories cannot be taken away. In that sense they were truly privileged.
If i was never to see Scarlett Thorne again from tomorrow the same would be true of me. It has been an amazing joy and privilege even to have spent two and a bit years in Her service and if i could go back in time i would not hesitate to go into Her service again.
